yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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