Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
