omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize