I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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