My brain says no but my pants say off.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
