Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
