thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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