Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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