Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
