i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
