The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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