it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
