Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
