maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
