Umm I'm too high to move.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you will always have a special place in my vag
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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