I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's like heaven, but drunker
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
