Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
