I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
