ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
