Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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