Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
