just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
