yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
