oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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