it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
