just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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