I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
