benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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