Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
