I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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