it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
