I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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