I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Nicole vs. Life
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
