Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
