I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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