he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize