Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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