I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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