this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
