Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
