oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
