Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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