Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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