the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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