i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
