I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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