i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
