God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
