I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
