Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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