like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
