I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
