Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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