Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
