Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
