Yo dont text me then not text me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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