I heard we made out
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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