sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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