I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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