I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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