i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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