So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
