and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
