i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
