Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm really busy with my period
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