Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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