I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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