these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
