He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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