Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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