I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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