operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
