Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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