she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
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You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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