I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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