Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
