Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
