Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
