Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
