um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
