Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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