it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
