Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
too bad you live with your parents still
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
