Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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