We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
